Area 51

We all have seen the movies and documentaries...and we all still wonder...do extraterrestials exist? Are people's accounts of alien abductions true? The answer is yes. I know this because I am actually an alien from New Jersey...well truthfully I'm orginally from the planet Xorton, but when I left the Juzajuck galaxy a few millenea ago, I settled in New Jersey. I'm masquerading as a human being, riding a scooter around the USA, pretending to be a tourist...but my hidden agenda is alien abduction; I'm pretty talented at it and it's just good, clean fun (well, by alien standards anyway)...probing, disecting, operating, you name it...and when it's all done, I erase your memory and place you safely back into your bed...haha! you humans are all suckers!

I picked up this New Jersey alien drivers license at a gas station while passing through Area 51 just off of route 66 in Arizona. By the way, when I was a kid, I used to be terrified of aliens...one time I was convinced that the street light outside my bedroom window was an alien spaceship tractor beam...and that the new beauty marks I discovered on my leg the next morning were where the aliens penatrated my skin before operating on me...and that my parents were really aliens who would take their skin off at night...oh my imagination was out there...perhaps my mother put LSD inside my pancakes. Maybe this is why I loved going through Area 51...

Anyway, I bought this alien license for about $1.50 and it's brought me many good laughs ever since. Out west, it seems whenever you give a cashier your credit card, they ask for identification. When they ask me for my drivers license, I pull out the Alien license instead, then look straight ahead at them with a blank, stoic stare...no expression, competely serious. The high school teenagers are the most gullable group. One girl literally looked down at the license for 20 seconds as if she was trying to wrap her mind around the possibility that I was an alien from New Jersey. She was really confused, maybe even scared...she looked up at me then back down at the license 2 or 3 times...this all lasted for another few seconds until I finally lost it hysterically laughing...All she said was, "I thought that wasn't you!"

The American education system is failing our youngsters...

Nonoo Nonoo